omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The air was thick with penises
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
