Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who died my cat blue again?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
