fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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