The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
