I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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