I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
