god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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