Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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