Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
