How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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