This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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