Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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