White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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