my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
