Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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