I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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