if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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