if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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