Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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