Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
