and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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