trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
