Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The air taste purple.
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