OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize