Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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