this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
