CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
