i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize