dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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