I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
