i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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