She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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