I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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