Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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