Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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