This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Randomize
