she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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