Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
