I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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