I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
