5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
