I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
