I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
