I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
