you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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