you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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