well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
