I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
