We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
