Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
