my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
