Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
