dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
