Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
