he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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