the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
