I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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