Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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