I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize