You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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