We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
