weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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