me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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