They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
