I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
