the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
