I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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