Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
