do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
