I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
