Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
