And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
