I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
