dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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