I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
