I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
