Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
