At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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